The importance of thinking

Hello.
It's been almost two months since I started working at Utsushiki.
I am filled with gratitude for everything.

Looking back over the past two months, although I had boasted that I wanted to be a photographer, there were so many things I didn't know and new things in front of me, and I was in a miserable state of not knowing what I didn't know, so I spent each day making mistakes and learning with my body.

The most frightening mistake I've made in the past two months was when I almost caused a fire while burning cut weeds and trees.

I was really worried.

I am astonished to realize that my mind had been so preoccupied with the thought of "burning grass" that I had stopped thinking about things like how to control the fire, the dangers of fire, and the order in which to burn the grass.

It's scary to think that if there had been a fire, the Utsushiki building might have been destroyed.

This failure led to a focus on the action of "burning grass," which enabled us to discover a number of areas for improvement, such as the inability to properly regulate the fire, the inability to make calm decisions, a lack of imagination in predicting danger, an unstable schedule, a fear of taking action without thinking, and a lack of awareness of what is going on around them.

This experience truly shows us that when people panic, they lose sight of what's going on around them.

When failure continued, I would find myself worrying, "Why can't I do this much?"

One day, someone said to me, "Why don't you face your weaknesses?" and I began a self-study project in which I continued to objectively observe myself, including my past experiences, relationships, feelings, body, and my own weaknesses.

This is really painful.

I think everyone has at least some desire to hide their weaknesses and not want to face them.

As I write down the causes and circumstances of my weaknesses and ways to improve them in a notebook, I realize that I am a bundle of pride, that I interpret myself too much, and that my way of life is lukewarm, but I am amazed at my own inability to accept this.

Because I have never faced my weaknesses, I tend to worry about even small things.

I think one of the reasons why I was initially troubled by the thought "Why can't I do this much?" was because my pride was causing me so much pain.

Thinking back now, I wish I could tell my past self that that unnecessary pride is a waste, and that it should be more important to think about how to make the other person happy.

It's still the first stage of facing myself, so even though I think I'm looking at things objectively, my subjectivity unconsciously gets in the way and I'm wondering if I'm really facing myself, and everyone at Utsushiki has given me good advice, but I will continue to face myself!

I hope this will be a week full of learning for you.

Tatsuya Suzuki